At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
