she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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