I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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