I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
