Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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