Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
