i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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