I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
