Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
