I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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