TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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