Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
