I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
