u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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