So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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