return my video game
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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