What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
