just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
