but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
