dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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