my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I AM VODKA MAN
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
