actually, I'm a sock model
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
