I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
