She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
