do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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