well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
