it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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