it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize