I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
