Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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