First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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