after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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