Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
