Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
