oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
