He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize