Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
