Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
