i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
