My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize