I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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