Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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