i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my phone needs a breathalizer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
