The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize