I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
