true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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