We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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