went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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