I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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