Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
