8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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