I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
