the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
