Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
