im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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