it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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