Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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