Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
