I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
