you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
