marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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