and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
