Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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