After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
