I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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