Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
