please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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