She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
