let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
