Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
