dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
