I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
