I just saw a hot homeless man
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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