why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
