New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
