i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
