I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
