Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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