If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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