You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
