so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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