I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this just has baby written all over it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
