i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
