she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
